Crop Circles in Jamaica?

Westmoreland, Jamaica, February 22, 2006—Following newly discovered leads since their groundbreaking expose at NASA, multiple-award winning journalists, Jim Screechy and Van Doolu, were spirited away to Westmoreland, Jamaica to examine firsthand the emergence of crop circles in the “land of wood and water”.

“Yes, I,” said known horticulturalist, Ras Simeon Matthews. “I did think it was the government and the CIA who been listening to I and I conversation. But when I and I check it out, I and I realize that it could not have been done by earthly hands. It had to be the work of the Most High!"


“Still, is criminal what them do,” said his queen, M’keda Samuels. “Is criminal! The poor herb never bother them, and whoever them is, them just come and mash it down," she said cradling a wilted sapling between her hands. "Poor little thing."

“Shhhhhhh,’ said Ras Simeon. “ Don’t say that too loud around here, the government might be listening.”

“Make them listen,” said M’keda. “I know them been listening and spying on we like we is terrorist, and I will say it proudly that I am a terrorist. I am a terrorist to Babylon--to all powers and principalities of the heavens and earth! Woe to Babylon! Woe to the Pope of Rome!”

M’keda then broke into a litany of woes that could not be repeated lest the reporters be accused of aiding and abetting the enemy which could hamper their attempts to have their green cards renewed.

On further examination, the field revealed a pattern( shown here using infra-red photography) that ruled out any kind of human involvement and could have only been done by higher powers.

Unfortunately, the head office has been unable to verify the location of Van Screechy and Van Doolu, whose whereabouts, as far as we can tell by contacts in the CIA, NSA, FBI, and the local lockup in Negril, are unknown since their encounter in the fields of Ras Simeon.

Alien abduction? Stay tuned…

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